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Hello, everyone. I just turned 15 and I found out my parents have been hiding a terrible secret about me all my life.
So, I grew up in a pretty big family. It was my parents, two brothers, and I. My parents never told me much about the first couple of years of my life. They said I had a health issue and that it had been resolved and for the most part, I didn’t question it. But the thing is, I always felt different from my brothers. Gordon and Harper would always include me in playing sports, but I was never as strong as them and that really pissed me off. Even though I wasn’t that interested in sports, it was hard for me to admit I was different from them. Not only was I their little brother, but I was also their weak brother, their strange, feminine brother.
The horrible truth about me was revealed when I was 15. There had been strange things happening with my body for about two years, but I didn’t really pay attention to it that much. I’d always felt really feminine, but it seemed like my body felt feminine, too. I couldn’t grow any facial hair and it looked like I had breasts developing, which are definitely unusual for a boy. Yet I thought that maybe I was just putting on some weight and started running in the mornings. But there was one incident that really made me feel like I was different.
I was hanging out with my childhood friend Cedric all the time. From our early childhood, we’d write our own short stories, rehearse, and perform in my living room. And we kept doing it even in our teens. Yet the themes changed, you see. We weren’t interested in being pirates anymore; we wanted to write about love, intimacy, romance, all that stuff. So, he wrote this short romantic play and we decided that I was gonna play “the girl” part. As we were rehearsing, I felt more and more confused. We were laying on my carpet, speaking the words and holding hands, and I felt chills running through my body. I knew it wasn’t from our great performance—it was from Cedric. In the end, two characters had to share a kiss. He leaned in, kissed me, and I felt my heart skip a beat.
That evening, Cedric left my house happy, saying “we’re getting good at this, right?”, not knowing that something had happened to me or in me. But that day changed my life forever.
#DearDiary
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